1/10/2016 (Day 10) Lessons in Contrast

Sometimes, to create what we want in life, we have to create what we don't want in order to become clear on what we really want. Sometimes we believe that we want a particular something, so we broadcast that signal out to the Universe and the Universe presents it to us, only for us to realize that the thing we thought we wanted is, in actuality, not exactly what we really want. As a result, we refine what we want and begin creating anew. This process of "sifting and sorting" in order to refine our desires is an important part of becoming a deliberate creator. It is through experiencing contrast (what we don't want), that we get clearer on what we really want. The trick is to discover how to ride the wave of our manifesting power by learning to experience the contrast in our lives as potential for further creation, rather than disappointment and failure, in order to stop creating by default and become a deliberate creator.

In our society, we are programmed to see our goals in a very linear way, but when practicing the art of deliberate creation, we begin to see them in a more fluid manner. By recognizing that we are creators, who came here to Earth to create, and by understanding that the whole purpose of our being here is to experience our creating, we are able to recognize that it is not the outcome that is our final goal. Each and every time we create something we want, it sends out the desire to create something new...this is an exponential process that never ends. As Abraham Hicks says, ''you cannot get it wrong and you'll never get it done, and the reason you cannot get it wrong is because it is never done." 

For me, coming to understand all of this has been an interesting experience, and one which I am enjoying gaining clarity on as I practice. One area in which I find my experiences in contrast to be particularly amusing are those that relate to the process of manifesting my Twin Flame relationship. I have been a seeker of ''True Love'' my whole life. I remember watching the show ''Hart to Hart'' when I was a teen and thinking that that was the kind of marriage I wanted...and nothing less would do...I made a vow to myself that I would never settle for less than true love and wouldn't marry until I found it. I spent a lot of time daydreaming about my perfect love and sending out ''rockets of desire'' which that non-physical part of myself began creating for me way back then. All I needed do was get into alignment and allow the man of my dreams to manifest in my life. I spent the next many years searching for the kind of "perfect love" that Jonathan and Jennifer Hart had...often times pushing and forcing and trying ever so hard to make whomever I was ''in love'' with at the time somehow fit into that idea of what I thought I wanted, despite any obvious shortcomings. For many years, I drank and starved and drugged myself in an effort to be more attractive and because of the pain of never managing to find the "love of my life." All the while I continued searching earnestly...every face of every available man I met wondering, ''are you the one?" For many years, there was a quiet desperation that, in retrospect, I realize was always, in actuality, pushing me further away from finding my heart's desire, and creating a WHOLE LOT of what I DIDN'T want in the process (we're talking a shit ton of contrast here.)

Looking back on it, after having come to better understand the Law of Attraction and all it's various aspect as I do now, one of the things I recognize as showing evidence of the ''sifting and sorting'' process that I was unconsciously going through is something I was aware of, even then, but didn't realize that that was what it was until now. Over the years and through the many boyfriends, lovers and one night stands, one of the things I began to recognize was that each relationship I had, seemed to be a little closer to what believed I wanted. I didn't know that I was in fact responsible for making that change and molding my love life closer and closer to exactly what it was that I was looking to find through my experience with contrast, but I noticed it happening. I saw each improvement as a sign that I was getting closer to ''finding him,'' but what I failed to realize back then, was that searching was not the answer to finding him, ALIGNING was. 

As I have moved closer to alignment in the past few years, and especially in this last one, since beginning to study the art of deliberate creation, understand the Law of Attraction and practice the art of allowing; I have come to a place where I no am no longer urgently seeking to find my true love the way I used to, but instead, striving to align myself with my own Heart with such impeccability that it causes my Soul to shine so brightly that it will reach my divine lover, wherever he might be, and, in divine time, we will be drawn into alignment and reunion. In the process, the Universe has sent me some interesting experiences in contrast, and I can't help but chuckle about them because the Universe has a great sense of humor and when you practice non attachment to the outcome of any situation, it's quite easy to find humor in the contrast. 

For about a year, I had been involved, on and off, and deeply attached to a man who I knew was fundamentally incapable of meeting many of the relationship needs I thought I had, due the fact that he had Asperger's Syndrome and believed himself unable to experience the emotion of love (talk about contrast!). I could write a whole blog (and may very well do so one day) on the lessons this relationship brought me and how it healed my soul on many levels and taught me how to love unconditionally in a way that I had never known possible. It was smack dab in the middle of this relationship, during one of our "off" periods, that I began studying the teachings of Abraham and made the decision to consciously strive to master the art of becoming a deliberate creator. It was also the time that I began learning more about the Twin Flame relationship and how it is closely tied to the principles of the Law of Attraction and such. What I ultimately came to realize about my relationship with this man was that it was one of the most important love affairs of my life because it had opened me up to a whole new level of love...that of loving without condition...not because I was related or had given birth to him, but because I had consciously chosen to love this man despite his inability to love me back. And this love was a fierce love, one that taught me that there was nothing more beautiful than opening my heart completely and surrendering it fully to the Love inside. It brought me some of the greatest ecstasy of my life...as well as the greatest sorrow. And it was filled with so much of what I wanted and yet so much of what I didn't want as well, and eventually, what I didn't want won out and when all was finally said and done, I told the Universe that the next time I wanted a man who wanted to spend more time doing things together, who actually answered his phone and texts right away not just whenever he finally turned his phone back on to help me get over him. 

And, sure enough a short while later the Universe delivered a brand new man into my life (he had the same name as the last one, because the Universe is goofy like that). This guy wanted to go everywhere together, be at my house all the time, called and text umpteen times a day, and before three weeks was out, was driving me absolutely CRAZY with his clingyiness. So I ended that, and had a good laugh at myself because   I had gotten what I asked for, and thought I wanted, only to discover that I didn't really want that quite so much as I had thought. 

By this time, I was beginning to practice non-attachment to outcome which made allowing myself to let things just flow in and out feel more like the natural order of things than my previous way of chasing after and holding on. I had finally learned to fully trust the Universe and my ability to attract what I wanted and could more fully relax into allowing without worry as to how things would turn out. 

The next lesson in contrast included being left feeling unappreciated and unloved and when that comes to an end, I mention to the Universe that I would like to know how it felt to have a man truly appreciate me and saw me for who I truly am and would fall head over heels, crazy in love me. And, lo and behold, out of the blue, appears a man (online) who after a short time begin to incessantly messages me about how fabulous I was and how he was crazy about me and wants to know if he might be my twin flame and on and on...which was fun and flattering at first (if not a bit premature), but after a few days of this over the top devotion, I found myself annoyed and increasingly uncomfortable, so I let him know I'm not comfortable with the situation any longer and that's the end of that, and have a good laugh when I realize that once again, the Universe has said, ''oh, so you think you want THIS...okay...HERE YA GO" and after getting what I thought I wanted, I realized I don't really want that and so I say to the Universe "NO, NO, NO...that's not exactly what I meant (but thank you)" and proceed to embrace the contrast of it, contining to laugh at myself for having, once again, taught myself a little more about what I don't want and knowing all the while this is bringing me one step closer to alignment with all that my heart desires. 

May you all know your heart's desire <3