I jumped up as the sound of tree parts being chewed to bits made my ears cringe. I went over to the front window to peek out the blind, see where the offending noise might be coming from and who had fallen victim to its jaws. Just then, the sound quieted as the machine waited to be fed. I didn't see anything out there but as someone tossed a new victim into the mouth of the beastly machine I realized that it sounded like it was coming from out back. As I opened my bedroom door, the godawful noise got louder and I could feel it reverberate throughout my entire being as my apartment was filled with it's destructive vibration. I covered my ears and rushed to the back door where the glass was shaking and vibrating with the sound of machinery in the process of annihilating entire tree limbs. I parted the curtain and saw that there, behind the house, was a big orange "Asplundh" truck complete with it's industrial sized, tree dismembering, machine which was now feasting on some of my tree friends out back.
And that was it...I was instantly launched into full blown empath mode...I had hooked into the energy of the trees that were being violated, and could literally feel and hear them screaming in terror and pain. You see, when you are an empath, it's not only human emotions and pain you can pick up on, but those of other lifeforms as well...especially those you have a strong connection to...like me with the trees. I started to tremble and panic and feel sick to my stomach and wanted to run but could barely think....''music must have music, must have music (grab the CD player). No CD in there. Gotta find a CD." Grabbing "The Essential Journey" out of a drawer I cram it the CD in the player and turn it on full blast to try and drown out the sound, but I can still hear it...I run into my room, feeling sick to my stomach and panicked I sit on my bed feeling like I might cry. I run to the kitchen and find my earbuds in my backpack, I grab my ipod and press play and my ears are filled with the blessed sound of Melissa Etheridge's sweet voice singing "Heal me, lift me, take me to the other side, Amazing Grace has touched my face and the sweet sound doesn't lie..." I take a few deep breaths and let the music soothe me as I wait to regain my composure.
But I will not fully re-gain my composure for hours. I will keep the earbuds on, while I prepare to flee my apartment, until such a time as they are done violating my tree friends. I will leave and go to the Coop, my ''home away from home'' and connect with my community. I am thankful that today is the day that I have my meditation group and am blessed to have a place where I can go and share how I am feeling and be met with compassion and understanding. Where I will be nurtured and held and where I will sit in silence and contemplate the meaning and experience of being an empath. I will take the time to sooth myself back to wholeness and give thanks for the opportunity, means and support for doing so being available to me.
I remember a time, not that long ago, where I did not know or understand what was happening to me, nor did I have any idea how to protect myself and regain my equilibrium when I was experiencing a ''full blown emapth attack." Since coming to understand more clearly what it is that I can expect and learning how to protect my energies, I am prone to far less "empathic attacks.'' Suiting up (see 1/23/16) regularly helps me to protect my vibration from both incoming energies and from being usurped by others. In a situation like this morning, where I was caught completely off guard, and therefore unable to shield myself from the unwanted intrusion, there was little that could've been done, other than to remain conscious of the process and strive to handle it as best as possible. Sometimes, that's all you can do.
By talking about being an empath and striving to help normalize this gift, I hope to help undiscovered and/or newly discovered empaths out there that may have been struggling their whole lives, as I did, to understand what is ''wrong'' with them, to gain some insight and understanding about their own special empathic abilities and learn how utilize their skills and talents. As always, if you have questions or comments, I welcome both <3
~Namaste <3
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